Love Does Not End With Death: Coping Through the Holidays

Love Does Not End With Death: Coping Through the Holidays

Belinda @ Kids Matter

Never is anything related to death a pleasant and easy experience. But… we have to pick ourselves up and get through the holidays. Isn’t that what they would have wanted for us? Chances are your loved one was well aware of your love for them. I think that is the hardest part about grieving, beyond the actual physical missing of them. So many doubts run through your head. You wonder if they knew the depth of your love. You begin to go over every conversation you had with them, every fight, and each argument from small to great. This isn’t grieving. This is doubt, a seed you have planted in your own mind to prevent you from dealing directly with death. So, how do you cope with death over the holidays?

No, I’m not a certified expert, but I do have experience. The first step is allowing yourself to admit that your loved one was well aware of your feelings for them. There… doubt eliminated.  Secondly, your loved one would not want you to grieve through the holidays. They knew, as we do now, that holidays are for celebrating life. And lastly, with that being said, celebrate the life of your loved one over the holidays. Yes, they are gone, but… oh, what a wonderful life they lived and what glorious memories they left in our hearts. This is not the time to shut out memories, smiles, or happy feelings… this is a time for sharing all those wonderful things given to you by your loved one.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt said it best, “love does not end with death”. So, if it doesn’t end with death then we must celebrate love every opportunity we get and holidays are no exception to that rule. Odds are you are going to gather with family that loved this person as well. Take this opportunity to include the deceased in your holiday celebrations. One suggestion would be to have an object that meant something to the deceased at the family get together. Allow this object, or even a picture of the loved one, to be discussed openly among the gathered. Allow people to recall those memories, smiles, and happy feelings. Will this be easy for you? Maybe not, but I assure you, your heart will feel better.

The roughest hurdle in grieving is the feeling that you have to let go of this person you loved so dearly. Why? “Spend time thinking about the meaning and purpose of your life.  The death of someone loved created opportunities for taking inventory of your life— past, present and future.  The combination of a holiday and a loss naturally results in looking inward and assessing your individual situation.  Make the best use of this time to define the positive things in life that surround you,” as Dr. Wolfelt advises. Keep in mind that you were most likely not the only person on this earth to care about the deceased. That means you should connect with those whom you have an eternal bond with through life and death. Don’t push people away because you are in so much pain that just the thought of taking one more breath seems like you are committing a crime against the one you lost. Stop that! The person you lost loved you just as much as you loved them. They want you to continue on your journey through life and be fulfilled by the things in life that made them happy the short time they were with you. Live for them. Celebrate your life and theirs.

Death Came December

Written by: Belinda

Winter comes,
An unforgiving season,
Hazards at every turn,
We are unprepared.

Days grow shorter,
Darkness looms,
Depression sets in,
Minds grow weary.

Holidays come,
Days grow frantic,
Bills pile up,
Stress becomes reality.

Life goes on,
We travel to work,
Accidents happen,
We aren’t prepared.

Bodies grow old,
Organs fail,
God comes to call,
Families left to mourn.

December came,
Took many we love,
Memories it left,
We must carry on.

The hole in my heart,
One day will be filled,
With memories of you,
Until I see you again.

At the Gates of Heaven,
Steadfast you stand,
Your hand guiding me,
Your light protecting me.

Death came December,

Holidays upon us,

Memories heavy,

Heart’s a blaze.

Thankful November to Giving December

Thankful November to Giving December

Belinda @ Kids Matter

Did you ever stop to think about how the months transition into feelings and emotions? Truthfully, I sure didn’t until I was pondering what the next blog topic would be and I realized it happens quite often. I think that’s called being aware of your surroundings. How’s that? Are you always cognizant of the ebb and flow of the calendar year?

Let’s take a look; examine the 12 months that make up our emotional rollercoaster. First up we have January with its new year’s resolutions and grandiose plans. As we put that month to bed with our less than anticipated results, we slip all into mush mode with February. From there we kiss the blarney stone and welcome spring. Yes, then the April showers that bring the May flowers and long Memorial weekend. June rolls quietly till near the end when summer emerges and vacations begin. July explodes with amazement and color as the heat peaks and moves us to August when vacations end and school begins. The work force celebrates September and October emerges with horror and fright into the lengthening nights.

Now, having just emerged from thankful November, we move eagerly into giving December where we give to those we thanked in the prior month and expand upon the giving by donating and contributing to those less fortunate than ourselves. Isn’t it odd that it takes us 11 months before we work up the enthusiasm to share and spread joy? That’s the ebb and flow of it. We just breathe and go with it… year after year.

Retailers know the ebb and flow, matter of fact that’s how they stay in business. They know when we are in mania mode. They target us with sales we can’t resist. So, if they know and we know, what would happen if we upset that ebb and flow? What would happen if we gave to the poor and fed the homeless all year long? What if we bought Christmas in June and were thankful every day? Crazy, right? Or is it?

Holiday Ch…Ch…Changes

Holiday Ch…Ch…Changes

Robin @ Kids Matter

Thanksgiving is one of the few times each year that my whole family gets together.  Add to that some good food, fun game playing, and Black Friday shopping, and you have my favorite holiday of the year.  Or, I should say, had.   Over the years it was my favorite holiday, but things are changing.  Have you noticed that Christmas preparations start earlier every year?  Black Friday shopping has also started earlier and earlier.   Some stores are open all day on Thanksgiving.  Last year, almost all Black Friday shopping started on Thanksgiving Thursday!  You may be asking, “What’s wrong with that?”  It takes away from family time.  And family time is very important, especially since families have less and less of it in the hustle and bustle of everyone having different schedules and priorities.  Some people say, “But we can shop together.”   Sure, you could, but do you?  Does everyone in your family like to shop?  Is everyone looking for the same item?  Are you able to communicate and have meaningful interaction in the middle of the shopping crowd?  I don’t think so…

Personally, I miss the challenge of Black Friday as it used to be.  I fondly remember those years of getting up at 3:30 AM to be at the store and in line by 4AM.  Sure, it was cold and exhausting, you don’t always get that sale item you are looking for, but, many times I got the great deals and had fun with whomever I was able to talk into shopping with me that year.  Now, with shopping starting so early, the lines are a lot longer.  Last year, I went to one store and found the item I wanted, but the checkout line was too long.  After standing in a line that wrapped around the entire store for 30 minutes without moving, I gave up and left.  I am not willing to give up 8 to 10 hours of my Thanksgiving to go stand in line.  That time is too valuable to me! 

Enjoy the time you have with family, because you may lose them before you know it.  My mother passed away last year, and believe me, it does make a difference.  I miss her every day, but I especially feel her loss during this time of the year.  I remember the fun we had of planning the menu together.  I was the cook and she was the organizer.  She was a terrible cook, but loved talking to everyone to make sure they were coming, what they were bringing, and just generally organizing it.  Every year, there would be an unexpected twist, whether it was a neighbor joining us who had no family to celebrate with, or helping cook and serve at a homeless shelter.  I would always go to her home the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, to start the turkey process.  We really enjoyed that time together before the rest of the crowd arrived.  One year, we ended up with 10 pumpkin pies and no other deserts, but that was ok because it gave us a good memory to laugh about. 

So, how do you deal with changes like this?  Last year, the loss of my mom was very fresh.  My family got together, but we had pizza instead of the usual Thanksgiving fare.  However, we were more focused than ever before on the thankfulness aspect.  This year, my first thought was to cancel the holiday, but that didn’t work.  So, we are planning Thanksgiving at my sister’s house this year.   She has started the menu planning, much as I tried to avoid it.  It’s not the same, but I’m sure that it will still be a good time with family and friends. 

As David Bowie said, “Pretty soon you’re gonna get a little older.  Time may change me.   But I can’t trace time.” I leave you with a plea.  Thanksgiving is an important holiday.  Please don’t skip over it!

Black Friday… The Mania

Black Friday… The Mania

Belinda @ Kids Matter

I have to say, up front, I am NOT a Black Friday shopper. I try to keep as far away from the hysteria as possible. In all my life, I have only done the Black Friday thing one time and that was not by my own choosing. About 14 years ago, I was one of the few people working that day. My supervisor insisted I take one of my co-workers to get a TV she had seen in the Black Friday ads. That was 10:00AM and we finally made it back to work at 1:30PM. Now mind you, the store was only 10 minutes away from work! I hauled this crazy lady, amped by the mere thought of grabbing a small TV for $25, to the shopping complex. Traffic was horrendous and parking was absolutely ridiculous! We had to park about two miles from the store, it seemed. By the time we got close to the door we could hear the screaming. People were yelling, “Watch where you are going!” Carts banging into each other... kids running amuck… My coworker darted through the doors. Barreling over people, hollering over the crowd to me, “Come on! Come on!”

Finally, I was through the door! No time to breathe a sigh of relief! I looked up and there she was across the store, arms waving like a mad woman. I caught up to her eventually after many “excuse me, pardon me, and I’m sorry” exchanges. She grabbed a hold of my arm and just pulled me through the crowd. I was bumped, pushed, cursed, and all the while she gripped my arm with a fist of iron. “TVs… I see TVs!” she yelled. We got to the TVs and low and behold there was not a single $25 TV in the store. She started yelling and screaming for a store clerk. A guy walked over to us (he looked as if he had been trampled in the crowd) and asked her what she was looking for. He confirmed what I had already told her, “sold out”. I closed my eyes and held my breath. Sure enough… she had a meltdown, right there in the store! Full blown meltdown with big ol’ crocodile tears and mumbling of words no human could understand.

I reassured her that her love was greater than any TV and the kids would be happy with anything she gave them. The closer we got back to the car the deeper those words began to sink in with her. I opened her door, she got in, and before I had walked around the car, I heard her screaming. She had seen a sign in another parking lot with TVs for $25. Oh my! We started the game over again three more times at three more stores, all with the same conclusion, “sold out”. I hauled her back to work 3 ½ hours later without a TV. In my mind… there never was a $25 TV! Oh, there were probably five in each store and if you were one of the lucky first five in the building, you got that $25 TV.

Like I said, that was 14 years ago. Today, Black Friday (November 29, 2013) shoppers have a bigger advantage. Some of the larger stores are now open Thanksgiving evening. There are websites where you can go and find coupons, store hours, secret sales, and much more. So, let me give you some info to spare you some of the havoc of which I got to partake in all those years ago. Go ahead and bookmark the sites and keep ahead of the game.

1.     http://www.theBlackfriday.com/

2.     http://Blackfriday.com/

3.     http://bfads.net/

4.     http://www.walmart.com/cp/Black-friday/1076614

5.     http://www.Blackfriday.fm/

But don’t stop here! In addition to Black Friday, we now have Cyber Monday (December 2, 2013) which is the Monday after Black Friday and is the time to make all your online purchases!

1.     http://www.cybermonday2013.com/

2.     http://www.walmart.com/cp/546840

3.     http://www.bestbuy.com/site/Misc/Cyber-Monday/pcmcat309500050010.c?id=pcmcat309500050010

4.     http://www.coupons.com/cyber-monday/

5.     http://www.amazon.com/b/?node=5550342011&tag=googhydr-20&hvadid=19448362568&hvpos=1o1&hvexid=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1988960045904113510&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=b&hvdev=c&ref=pd_sl_31r3covcmj_b

And… if you haven’t been introduced to Small Business Saturday (November 30, 2013), please allow me the honor… as per Wikipedia, “Small Business Saturday is an American shopping holiday held on the Saturday after Thanksgiving during one of the busiest shopping periods of the year. First observed on November 27, 2010, it is a counterpart to Black Friday and Cyber Monday, which feature big box retail and e-commerce stores respectively. By contrast, Small Business Saturday encourages holiday shoppers to patronize brick and mortar businesses that are small and local.”  View these links for more information:

1.     http://www.sba.gov/about-sba/sba_initiatives/small_business_saturday_2013

2.     https://www.facebook.com/SmallBusinessSaturday?fref=ts

3.     https://www.americanexpress.com/us/content/small-business/shop-small/about/?linknav=us-open-shopsmall-homepage-readmore

Happy shopping! But… remember to be safe in your travels and be guarding of your credit card purchases. Shop smart! Support your local small business merchants and your community! Shop with at least one buddy, strategize and make a game plan prior to your journey, and be prepared for the weather as you camp out and stand in long lines. One last reminder… please be courteous! That person you are banging with your cart may not even be there by their own choosing. They mean you no harm. J

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss

Today is Dr. Seuss' birthday and he would have been 108 years old! I find it amazing that his books were written so long ago and still, they are as popular as ever. They may even be more popular now! Not to mention, the number of great authors that he has inspired over the years!

In celebration of his birthday, several people that have taken the Kids Matter Pledge volunteered to read children's books on video for us. There are some Dr. Seuss books and books by many other authors. Check out our Facebook page for all of the links.

Enjoy!

Monday Meanderings - Dr. Seuss

Dr. Seuss's birthday is celebrated on March 2, so I thought I would start posting some activities to celebrate the big day. As far as authors go, there is no more well known name, than that of Dr. Seuss! Children and adults love his work. I even have a poster of a Dr. Seuss quote framed and hanging on my office door!

First up is The Family Kitchen with an adorable Cat in the Hat marshmallow hat snack.

Here is a Cat in the Hat activity from Teaching Two. I love this stacking idea. If you do not have the Styrofoam discs, they could be made with red tape around pool noodles too.

I would not normally encourage my child to jump on his bed, but this is too cute to pass up. obSeussed drew a picture of Pop, from the book Hop on Pop, onto her child's bed sheet and they hopped on Pop while reading the book. What fun!

Last but not least, we have I Can Teach My Child showing a great activity for Ten Apples Up on Top.

Have fun with your kids and with Dr. Seuss. He is my favorite Dr.!

Valentine Craft

Well, if you read the blog Tuesday, then you know that I cut out several hearts from construction paper. I was then left with the heart stencils and hated to waste them!

Next, I pulled out clear contact paper, the heart stencil shapes and a variety of craft supplies. My son sat down and made Valentines for family members.

I cut out a piece of contact paper and taped it sticky side up on the table. Next we laid down the heart stencil on the sticky side.

He then used the craft supplies to fill in and decorate the heart.

Once he completed one, we would put another piece of contact paper (sticky side down) on top of the heart, securing all of the craft supplies in the middle.

I then trimmed around the heart shapes and cut off the excess contact paper. Ready for gifting!

Do the Valentine Hop

We played a fun game to work on our gross motor skills this week. I cut out several hearts from construction paper.

Next, we laid the hearts out down the hallway. First we laid them out in step formation to work on walking.

Next, we put them in a straight line and worked on jumping from one heart to another.

As we got better and better we advanced the game. We also set up the hearts in a random pattern. I would them call out a color near my son and he would find the color and jump to it.

This was a fun activity and we played with it for quite a time. Be sure to save the "stencils" that you made from cutting out the hearts. We used ours and will post that on Friday!

Monday Meanderings - Valentine's Day

Well, tomorrow is Valentine's Day and here are some great homemade Valentine ideas for you, just in case you haven't done anything yet!

Owls are very popular right now and this is a great play on words. I found this on Inspiration for Home.

I love this idea from The Gunny Sack. I am not sure of I could do enough for a classroom in one night but I am definitely doing this for my son! He may be afraid of popping the balloon but he will love finding something inside the balloon.

This is another favorite idea for me. Glow sticks from the Dollar Store and no candy! This idea is compliments of The Teacher Wife. She has an amazing blog!

I'll leave you with a "sweet breakfast" idea from Your Commissary Insider. If you re going to make pancakes, why not make them cute?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Monday Meanderings - Valentine's Day

It is the season of love! Here are some great ideas that I discovered on line. As we all know, boys are not always into the lovey-dovey gushy Valentines. These are great alternatives!

 This creative idea came from Jocelyn Murphy. She has a few other designs too. Love this!

This is from Family Fun Magazine. They always have some of the cutest ideas. I might have to hit the Dollar Store soon and look for some shovels.

Next, we have The Crafting Chicks with am idea that just made my heart bounce! You can find those balls for a very low cost!


Lastly, we have Katherine Marie Photography showing you the perfect way to recycle those candy hearts! I would love to be served my lunch in a candy heart box! Check out her blog for the pictures. She reused the large assorted box and the smaller heart boxes to serve up a meal.

Be sure to check back next week when we feature some more great Valentine's ideas!

Monday Meanderings - Affordable Gifts

Well, January is almost over and if you are like me, you have already been to a few kid's birthday parties. With your kids being invited to so many parties, it can get expensive to supply gifts to everyone. I have scoured the Internet to come up with affordable gift ideas that you can use.

First up is Teaching Good Eaters. She put together several activities but I especially love the monster kits. How fun to "build" your own monsters.

Next we have Poopscape Projects with a great homemade Shrinky Dink project. You could put together a kit that includes the pre-cut and roughed plastic and some colored pencils, along with directions on putting together pieces.

The Artful Parent has a tutorial for dying play silks using kool aid. I just love the colors and the process seems simple to follow. You can also go to Tried and True to print out a graph of mixing kool aid packages to get certain colors. Very handy and affordable.

Creative with Kids is making me flash back to my own childhood. How cute to make the Paint with Water Pages. You could make several of the pages and also give the child a couple of paintbrushes and a small lidded container to carry water in.

Well, there are a few ideas to get you started. Each birthday party that your child gets an invitation to, does not have to cause you to panic. Put together a gift that you can afford and your child will be happy to give and make for their friend.

Monday Meanderings - Martin Luther King Jr

Happy Martin Luther King Day! Here are some activities to do to celebrate the life and legacy of the great Dr. King!

First is First Grade in One Year with an activity showing a child's dream on the inside of the booklet and their hand print art on the outside to signify diversity.

Next we have Learning & Laughing in First Grade with a great experiment between brown eggs and white eggs. The children graphed what is different and what is the same with the eggs and then wrote out what they learned.

This is not a project that I think you can do at your home, but this is a mosaic created in 2010 by artist Pete Fecteau and is entitled "Dream Big". Can you guess what it is made of? It is 4,242 Rubik's Cubes. It took over a year of planning and weighed in at about 1,000 pounds at completion. It is amazing!

I will leave you with two of my favorite quotes:

Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
Darkness can not drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate can not drive out hate; only love can do that. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.

Monday Meanderings - Thanksgiving

Well, Thanksgiving is only 3 more days away! It is time to get serious about things. Here are some great ideas for your family.

First, we have the Mostly Food and Crafts Blog with one of my favorite traditions. The "Thankful Tablecloth". You just purchase a plain tablecloth and some fabric markers and everyone writes what they are thankful for and the year beside it. What a great family memento!

Fiskars has adorable "Kid's Table" decor and directions. They may prefer the kid's table this year! I personally love the pie tin snack.

How about an Apple Turkey Snack? What a great way to get kids to eat a healthy snack! Check out Mom Endeavors for all of the details.

I love these turkey & Pilgrim bean bags from Almost Unschoolers. What a great way for the kids to work off a little energy.

We hope everyone has an amazing Thanksgiving!

Monday Meanderings - Halloween Snacks

With Halloween fast approaching, I went on a hunt for some great snacks to prepare.
Here are some of my favorites.

First we have Taste of Home with these adorable Marshmallow Witches. They look quick and easy and may be great for kids to put together.

Our Best Bites made these cute Mummy Dogs and Monster Jaws.

Cute As A Fox made these very cute, er I mean scary, Monster Rods. I love these!!

Have a great Halloween!

Monday Meanderings - Halloween Costumes

Here are some more great Halloween costumes!

This pink flamingo costume is one of my favorites! It is made by Tangled and True. She does not post directions but it looks pretty clear cut. Pink shirt and pants, pink tutu, pink hat and pink feathers. The eyes could be Styrofoam balls and the bill, a stuffed sock with black felt on the end.

Here is a great owl tutorial from Pure Joy Events. This costume begins with a regular hoodie and is no sew! It doesn't have to be pink, it can be any color.

Parents Magazine has a great tutorial for an adorable Little Lamb. It is no sew and easy to put together.

This Lego costume cracks me up every time I look at. We can thank Family Fun Magazine for the specifics on how to put this together.

Okay, I have not looked for these balloons so I am not sure if they are affordable or not, but this was too cute not to post. Coolest Homemade Costumes has this Paratrooper on their page and I want to be this!

Monday Meanderings - Halloween Costumes

With Halloween fast approaching, I thought it would be a good time to post some homemade Halloween costumes that you can make inexpensively!

First we have Mom Inc Daily with an adorable Octopus Costume that she was able to whip together in no time. Not to mention, the supplies were cheap.

This next costume is on my list of possibilities! Geek Mom did an amazing job of turning her son into a tractor. Wonder if I can talk my son into being a tractor?

On Coolest Homemade Costumes they have this adorable Oompa Loompa costume that would be easy to recreate.

I will be back next week with some more great homemade costumes!

Monday Meanderings - Columbus Day

I have searched high and low for some great Columbus Day ideas! With Columbus Day one week away, this should give you time to get everything ready!

First we have Jonah Lisa Dyer with some great cork boats that they set sail. I know for a fact that if you call a store that does wine tasting or even a restaurant that serves wine, they will often time just give you corks. Ask nicely and be sure to thank them!

Next is Hallee the Homemaker with a great New World map to make with the kids. You can discuss the length of the journey and relate it to the kids. How do they feel when they have to go someplace new? When they do not know anyone? How do you think the explorers felt?

I love paper mache and this globe from The Crafty Classroom is perfect.

Every holiday needs a snack or two!

Milk Allergy Mom has an easy apple boat.

While Super Mom Moments made her snacks for a "Tangled" party, they could work just as easily for Columbus Day.

Monday Meanderings: Talk Like A Pirate Day

I love a chance to be a kid so Talk Like a Pirate Day is just what I need today.
Here are some great pirate activities for you and your family to enjoy!

Handprint and Footprint Art has a great pirate handprint craft. I love handprint and footprint crafts. It gives me something cute to see the change in my child's size.

Great Resource Childcare did several pirate activities but I really love the paper plate pirates that they made. There are no directions but they look pretty easy to make.

Here are some great Pirate Printables from 2 Teaching Mommies.  It includes Roll and Graph, Size Sequencing, Letter Match and so much more.

The Imagination Tree give a great lesson on making a treasure map and putting a realistic look of age on the paper.

The Fickle Pickle put together the cutest Pirate Birthday Party. I love the pirates games: Walk the Plank, Roll the Cannonballs and Swab the Deck.

Arrrgh Matey!